But the best part of all was when ‘the Daverino’ started waxing all Hollywood critic-ky about the film. “Important” is the word he used to describe it, in explanation of an otherwise inexplicable box office bonanza (the highest earning movie of the year – if ever). It was, as Dave intoned to the ‘starlet’, ‘important’ because it was “about modern times” and about “something that’s going on in the lives of everybody in the world.”
Dave’s retiring, probably none-too-soon, but not soon enough to stop him from laying another dose of the dolt he must truly be under the silk sox and unpressed ‘strides’. He’s pulled a few boners, literally and metaphorically, and presented an academy performance or two in the on-air apology category, but what he did while ‘ennertaining’ Ms Siena Miller on a recent evening, takes one of his proverbial pizza prizes.
Ms Miller was on the show, reveling in her latest success in the ‘blockbuster hit ‘American Sniper (although I’ll bet she doesn’t have ‘points’ in the profits). Dave was at his charming best leering down at the anorexic beauty while reviewing the ‘narrative’ surrounding the film.
Q: How was it working with Eastwood?
Ans: he’s ‘cool guy’ who made fun of her prosthetic baby belly (“Morning fatty!”) at the site commissary. She didn’t comment on whatever on earth possessed the ‘great one’ to substitute a plastic dolly, or the corpse of a real infant, in the big ‘Ah luv mah baybee! But it a-lookin like a sand spider’ PTSD scene.
Working with Hollywood’s leading leading man, Brad Cooper, was a real experience, considering he packed-on close to 200 extra pounds to ‘flesh out’ the heroic sniper. She also referred to a notable speech, or facial, defect portrayed in the first half of the movie, that magically disappears by the end of it. One would think that improved elocution wouldn’t be a by-product of post traumatic stress but, hey, maybe. Or maybe it was all just a giant Texas ‘chaw’. The ‘meat roll’ at the back of the star-hero’s neck, however, isn’t depicted in any photos of the real McCoy and the lumbering gait of the Hollywood star is contrasted with the ‘Prince of Persia’ gymnastics displayed by a leaner, infinitely meaner, AQ antagonist. Thank goodness wind-sprints and extended sex scenes weren’t part of shooter Cooper’s film repertoire, he might have ‘busted’ Ms. Miller (the film’s endowments were ‘prosthetic’ too?)
There was of course time spent on Siena’s role as the wife of a trained killer. Mrs Kyle has credits on the movie, probably due to her insight and advice on her husband, the man – on his struggles with his demons and, by the end of the movie with his success in ‘overcoming’. And in his desire to help his fellows, even the ‘ nasty little coward who shot Mr. Howard and laid poor Jesse in his grave’ – another ‘important American ‘picher’ about another important American shooter. Nobody mentioned she was being sued to cough-up 3.1 million bucks (probably more now) due to the ‘success’ of the ‘story’ – because a part of it, unmentioned in the movie but part of the ‘successful book’ on which the movie was based, was found, in a court, to be an out-and out-lie.
Having seen the movie, and thinking perhaps that Dave had skipped some medication, I realized that Dave was a victim of ‘wag the dog’. Somehow he had bought the staged media reports of ‘world crises’, and ‘evil doings’, and ‘heroes fighting for our freedoms’ as a real part of his life, right up there with taking a dump or keeping his hands off the interns. Like having another row with the ‘harridan’ who had ‘trapped him’ in a ‘loveless’, but very expensive, marriage, Dave lived the experience of ‘the warrior’, ‘deploying daily’ to ‘keep overwatch’ and ‘save lives’ – that’s about the only thing that I got out of the film that’s “a part of our lives” or the media’s saga of such. It wasn’t, surely, leaving ones’ family for years spent killing, coming home with ‘troubles’ to be overcome in a variety of destructive ways, or even playing with the baby. If those were the point, why a war movie? That stuff apparently happens to the guy at the grocery store – a far more common and shared environment.
I’m pretty sure that centering the crosshairs for a body shot on a potential bomber, or dropping a kid by hailing him in the forehead aren’t things any of us do on a regular basis for a living, or simply for ‘some fun’. The bullet’s eye view of Kyle’s ‘long shot’ to take out the AQ sniper is straight out of a video game, along with the cinematographic brain splash. If he was still able to dream, that one would have made a real killer somewhat damp. Some of us might have found ourselves letting the others exit the theatre first, after ‘experiencing’ that.
By the way, ‘American Sniper’ was knocked off the number one by the new “Sponge Bob Square Pants’ cartoon. That’s ennertainiment, and real life.